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[写作] Ken老师点评:雅思作文学生习作(1)

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匿名  发表于 2011-8-22 01:43:06 |阅读模式

题目:Some people believe the fittest and strongest individual and team achieve the great success in the sports. Others believe success depends on their mental attitudes. Discuss on both sides. What is your opinion?

Sports, no matter what their scales are, are the combination of intelligent and psychological factors and physical power of team members. To pursue success in sports, these factors are all indispensable and interactive.
(Comments: 1.(Don’t repeat your mistakes!))

Some people may argue that the only determinant for winning a sport is the physical strength of the team members. Namely, the stronger the individuals are, the higher possibilities the team will succeed in a competition event. We have to admit that the majority of sports require team members to have fit and powerful bodies. However, we should also notice that competition with other teams is not fighting with them. It is hard to image that a group of strongest apes win a game against a team of higher intelligent creatures.

( Comments: 2.(Pay close heed to the fact that you should use the noun form to function as the subject !) (Object clause is a good choice, and the non-predicate structure is also acceptable, yet never confuse them!))

Intelligent and psychological factors, therefore, play another part of important role in sports. Provided that a team is equipped with the strongest team members, it is still less likely for them to succeed in one game if its members are pessimistic and lack of strategies in competing with other teams. One famous case which can illustrate the importance of mental attitude and intelligent factors is that the Chinese football team’s successful entrance in the World Cup. The motto of that team’s coach is that attitude determinates everything. With the guidance of their coach, Chinese football players finally won the entrance competition with the support of positive attitude and appropriate strategies.

(Comments: 3. (Excellent! Very good application of exemplification!)

(The original slogan of the Chinese football team is “Attitude is everything!”) What you used here may seem a little Chinglish.)

Intelligent and mental power and the physical strength of team members are mutually influencing one another. The advantage of physical condition may probably add confidence to team members and inspire their best psychological state. On the other hand, the optimistic and positive attitudes are most likely to stimulate the best potential of individuals and bring them encouragement and ultimately lead to success. It can therefore be arguably concluded that mental attitude and physical condition are both significant in pursuing a team’s victory.

Very excellent as a whole!

Just keep up the good work and do the same in IELTS exam!

Pay close attention to details!

Grades: 7

(@p)
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